MBA ... Been There, Done That

It's the last day of March. And I've just given the last exam of my life as a student ...

Seems like a phase of my life has just ended. 19 long years have been spent being a student. And it all culminated today here at SIBM where I just gave (hopefully!) the last exam of my life ... Yes, I'm now an MBA - a "Manager By Accident" if you may :)

A journey that began in the kindergarten section of a school back in Delhi has ended here in Pune; at one of the premier B-schools of the country.... or has it? Guess it could also be interpreted as a harbinger of change, a sign of new beginnings, a start of a new phase of my life ....

Be that as it may, I stop and ask myself ... "Am I ready for the new & probably much bigger tests that life may have in store for me"? Well, I guess that's a tough one, but hopefully like all things have come to pass, I'm sure I'll be able to face up to the challenges of anything and everything that life comes up with.

Anyway, the immediate next stop: Home! ... Yeah Mom, I know you guys are waiting .... don't worry, it's just a matter of a few hours more ...

Oh and yeah, once I'm back, will have a month and a half to chill out and catch up with old friends (something that's long overdue), before I start as an MT (er, Management Trainee for the uninitiated) at Coca-Cola India.

To conclude this piece, here are a couple of lines from an accomplished poet ..... Divya Prakash Dubey, my batchmate and a dear friend who summed up all our thoughts about life at MBA in his poem ....

"Jab Office Mein Ghanton Padega Rukna,
Tab Sawa Ghante Ke Lectures Ki Bahut Yaad Aayegi"

(When We'll Have to Stay for Hours on End at Our Workplace,
Thats When We'll Remember & Miss These 1.15 Hour Lectures ...)

PS: for more on DP's work, check out: http://esakyunhotahai.blogspot.com/

Irrepressible Paranoia

Something just doesn't feel right today,
The bright day seems like a dark night today,
Not too many things matter much anyway,
But even things that do, ain't alright today

Something's tormenting me in my mind & soul,
Donno what is it that's scaring me to the core,
There's this voice at the back of my head,
Telling me things it's never told me before

These voices inside are brutally pointing out,
The mistakes in life that were made by me,
There's this guilt crawling beneath my skin,
Trying to burst out, Trying to break free

I've tried and I've failed ... and I've tried again,
To drown all noises comin' from within,
I'm left with a nothingness inside of me,
And all of my walls seem to be closing in ...

I'm imagining things now where there are none,
There are shadows creeping up beside me,
Whispering in my ears and letting me know,
That I will never be what I want me to be.

There's nothing that could rid me of this paranoia,
There's nothing at all that can make it go away,
I knew it right from the beginning, now didn't I?
That something just doesn't feel right today ...

Prelude to Paranoia :)

Well, this word ... "Paranoia" ... has somehow been recurring & just lodged itself in my mind these past few days, refusing to budge. And the fact that I have this friend who's been feeling slightly paranoid about a particular thing hasn't helped matters too ....

Anyway, did some search on Google (where else :P) & encountered some interesting stuff on the topic ... For starters, found this on Merriam-Webster's online dictionary ...

Main Entry: para·noia
Pronunciation: \ˌper-ə-ˈnȯi-ə, ˌpa-rə-\
Function: noun
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek, madness, from paranous demented, from para- + nous mind
Date: circa 1811

1 : a psychosis characterized by systematized delusions of persecution or grandeur usually without hallucinations

2 : a tendency on the part of an individual or group toward excessive or irrational suspiciousness and distrustfulness of others

Now, apparently there's a hierarchy for paranoia that also exists. In other words, there are different levels at which a person can be classified as being paranoid. Well, take a look ...

Oh, and yeah, before i forget, something else came to my notice ... a lot of poetry has been written before on Paranoia ... not to mention some famous songs by rock bands of international repute - Black Sabbath (Paranoid) and Linkin Park (Papercut), to name a few - have explored this theme. And, one could also point out the movies that have been made on the various forms of paranoia - from mania to schizophrenia :)

To conclude, am sure the title of this post might evoke a question or two ... well, let's just say that my next post will answer 'em & clarity shall reign supreme :P

Where Are We Heading To ???

My soul stands still,
In the abyss of your dreams,
Where heaven stops ...
And hell begins,
Where angels fall ...
With their bloodied wings.

I am not talking about insanity,

Nor is this just an imagination,

It is right here on Earth,

That intelligence bites,

And technology kills ....

It is right here on Earth,
That we are digging our own graves,

And submitting before the Satan,

Whatever has been bestowed on us,

Without the slightest notion that,

That day is not far away,

When The powers above wreak havoc on us,
Turning us all into dead carrions,

And cleansing this Earth of all its scum,

For making it a new & better place to dwell .....

PS: The unnecessary bloodshed, the unending enmity & ill-will between communities & nations & above everything else, the dark spectre of terrorism will probably ensure that the Biblical prophesies regarding Judgment Day might come true sooner than expected. I know it's a nihilist & pessimistic outlook but there's no evidence to the contrary. People still long for that iota of joy in this strife-torn world of ours .... May God bless us everyone with the happiness that we desire ... and deserve.

Circle of Life ... @ SIBM

It just feels like yesterday that I joined SIBM for my MBA. And here we are today.... at the end of our spool ... bidding farewell to each other. And it's kinda ironic that it is all ending at the very place it all began: Manas Resorts.

Yeah, am talking about the venue for the freshers' party we had back in the summer of '07. And today, we had a fitting end to a 2-year stint here that was punctuated by both highs & lows; not just for me but a lot of other people, I guess. And now that life has come a full circle, I'm sitting here in front of the computer screen pondering about what all I've gained & what all I've lost these past two years.

Well, truth be told, the positives fairly match up to the negatives (at least for me!) and though I hate to admit it but yeah, will surely miss certain aspects of life here at SIBM.... both of the 1st year spent at "Kallu Mama's Kholi" in the main city and a 2nd year spent at a residential campus at the scenic Lavale countryside.

The question that now arises is not "Will I miss something when I'm outta here?" but "What will I miss?" .... ummm, well, things I'll miss the most (not necessarily in the same order!):

... the countless hours spent at NCC / Roll House with friends

... the innumerable CounterStrike sessions played on the LAN

... the night-time movies accompanied by the midnight snacks :P

... the once-in-a-lifetime [sic] & unique experience of Room # 4

... the coffee in the evenings with friends at the Coffee Shop / Zaika

... the "anytime, anyday, just-like-that" boozing sessions

... the movies at E-square / Gold Adlabs with friends

... the restaurants at FC / JM, Bat-Loi, Burger King, Zamu's et al

... the nigh-time bike rides back to Lavale with my "new" friends :)

And of course, last but not the least, won't forget some of the people I've come to know and care about these past 2 years. MBA would've been so dreary without you guys!

Oh yeah, well, before I forget (can't actually!), I'll of course be missing the presence of someone who I met in my 2nd year. Well, I so really wish in retrospect that I could've known you more & be better friends but I guess one stupid mistake changed everything, ain’t it?

Anyway, life as a show has to and does move on ... and so, as I said, here we are, the batch of 2007-09 saying "fare thee well" (with mixed emotions) to a place which, love it or hate it, I'm sure none of us can ignore ...

Flirting With The Ambiguous

The world is wrapped in a cottony blanket.
A cocoon, spun in a ghostly web so fine,
that no single thread can meet the eye,
but fades away in haste when grasped.

My love seems just like the world,
wrapped in a fog so dense that no eye can pierce it.
It fades in the distance,
full of silent, empty spaces beneath the trees.
Time is it's greatest cover and mystery it's best shield ...

ना साथी है, ना है मंजिल...

This song is dedicated to all those people who have ever been in love but never could manage to express it to the person they should have .....

ना साथी है, ना है मंजिल,
तनहा है मेरा यह दिल,
दिल से निकले यही सदा,
कभी तू मुझसे आके मिल ...

ना साथी है, ना है मंजिल ...

जाने क्या कुछ कहने था,
आया मैं तुम्हारे पास,
कुछ भी कह नहीं पाया,
मेरे होंठ गए थे सिल ...

ना साथी है, ना है मंजिल ...

तेरे जाने के बाद सनम,
तेरी यादें ही रह गयीं,
मेरा मरना हुआ आसान,
और जीना हुआ मुश्किल ...

ना साथी है, ना है मंजिल ...

कुछ नहीं है पास मेरे,

प्यार नहीं तेरा साथ अगर,

क्या रखा है ज़िन्दगी में,

जो तू नहीं इसमें शामिल ...

ना साथी है, ना है मंजिल ...

We Move On ....

Time, with fingers that weave misty minarets,
And speaks in secret alphabets,
Never ending, never ceasing,
It creates & it produces immortal thoughts,
And is the harbinger of change.
A thought, an idea, a season, a color,
And a breath of sweet perfume,
A few fleeting, transient moments,
Followed by another, and another, and another …
The written word captures the nuances of color,
In a frieze frame of pen and ink,
The merry flow of words,
In them the feelings are expressed,
But something somewhere remains unsaid,
We move on ……

A seamless sheet is spun,
With the wefts of here and now,
A testimony to us and ours,
Time has flown and swept us along,
In its inexorable winds of change,
It is invincible ahead of us all,
Never conquered, never vanquished.
It has led us to the end of our spool,
Eventually it’ll help us add to it,
Year after year & decade after decade,
Many more words will be weaved,
On the high tide of time,
And feelings will be expressed.
We move on ……


PS: This piece of poetry was written for & is dedicated to my senior batch at Symbiosis Institute of Business Studies (SIBM) - the Batch of 2006-08. You can also read the same entry (and more of other stuff!) at SIBM's official blog - http://www.sibm.net/blog.

The Spectator

A persistent knock of sorrows I hear,
On the dilapidated door of my life,
And everytime this door gets opened,
I am all but left in a dolorous state.

The dreams, the wishes, the hopes, the desires,
Are brutally squashed and savagely battered,
A feeling of despondency engulfs me,
And I long for a prompt arrival of death.

The days now drag by endlessly,
And the nights also just creep along,
The skies above remain dark and cloudy,
(Sunshine being only rare and transient).

Destiny is wreaking havoc with my existence,
With everything just falling to pieces,
And I look on as a mute spectator,
To this cruel game played by my fate.

Stranger In The Mirror

When I look at myself,
In the mirror on the wall,
My image always seems to ask me ...
"Who was the one I saw last fall,
And who is this person I'm seeing now?"

Maybe it's just an optical illusion,
Or maybe my image has gone insane,
For how can someone change so much,
It's something that is at best arcane.

But, on taking a closer look I notice,
That my image has hit the nail on it's head,
For nowhere do I see any hint of a smile,
And even the glimmer in my eyes is now dead.

My face looks like a leaf in autumn,
With all the mirth & laughter lost somewhere,
I look a pale shadow of my former self,
Wondering what went wrong & where.

And as I look at myself in the mirror,
A question rankles me in my mind,
A question for which I don't have an answer:
"Who is this Stranger in the Mirror?"